Nurses And Bullying, My Story… Just One Of Many

Nurse Jessica Sites

Every girl I know dreams of having that group of friends in her life that she can lean on no matter what. The way those Sex and the City divas, Samantha and Carrie, and the rest of the gang support each other and motivate each other to be better and take no bullsh*t. Or, that other famous group of gals, the Golden Girls, Dorothy and Blanche, and Rose and Sophia, always ending every conflict with a hug and a big slice of cheesecake.

In the nursing world, we have the opportunity to have so much positive influence in the lives of our patients and our coworkers. If I had a dollar for every time a patient told me a story about a wonderful nurse in their lives, I’d be able to retire to the Caribbean (after the pandemic, of course). But, somehow, our relationships with our coworkers looks more like a scene from Mean Girls than the Golden Girls. Why is that?

Google “Mean Nurses” or “Nurses Eat Their Young” or “Bully Nurses” and you’ll read countless stories of nurses manipulating and hazing one another. It seems crazy to think that a profession that is devoted to caring for and helping others could be so fraught with abuse. Had I not experienced it myself, I never would have believed it possible.

What does this catty behavior look like? Imagine being a brand new nurse on the floor, fresh out of school, a ball of nerves and excitement to get to practice your craft, finally. You are assigned to a veteran nurse, who seems less than thrilled to have you tagging along. You do the best you can to stay out of the way but also be helpful and you think the day is going pretty well. At lunch, you ask the nurse if she’d like to eat together, but she claims to be leaving campus for lunch. No problem, you’ll just eat in the break room and scroll through Instagram. You find a quiet corner and tuck into your tuna sandwich when your ears perk up. The voice is so familiar. It’s your nurse buddy for the day! But what did she just say? “The new nurse they have assigned to me is an idiot. Seriously, she will never last.” You’ve been here for one day. How could she be so cruel? Seems silly, but it’s an everyday thing.

What if you’re a veteran nurse and you recently started dating a doctor on your floor? You keep it completely professional and his job has zero bearing on yours. He can’t pull favors for you and you wouldn’t ask him to, even if he could. HR and upper management are aware and totally okay with this relationship, but, somehow, there is suddenly a chill in the air when you begin your shift. Some of the nurses are making rude comments about your relationship. One even accuses you of thinking you’re too good to be a nurse now that you’re dating a doctor.

I was that veteran nurse. I had fallen in love with one of the doctors at the hospital and quickly became the talk of the unit. People couldn’t stop gossiping about me and my new relationship. Nurses would make up stories and run and tell the nurse manager. They would say that they had seen us kissing in the break room, or that we were seen in a call room together during work hours. I had to constantly defend myself. It wasn’t simply curiosity. This was a deep anger coming from most of the nurses that I worked with. It was as if I had betrayed them on a personal level. The constant whispering and evil stares made me have knots in my stomach on a daily basis. I was scared to even talk to my boyfriend at work for fear that it would be misconstrued. It was a living nightmare. I remember one nurse telling me, “You guys will never make it. He is a player. He isn’t going to stay with you, and if you think that he will then you are lying to yourself”. I ended up transferring to a smaller unit and began to isolate myself completely in my work. I was scared to talk to any of the other nurses. I felt like they had won, and in a sense they had. They bullied me into submission.

These are just some examples of how hard it can be in the nursing industry and it’s really sad. When I think about the people I am battling the sicknesses of the world with, the ones who will be by my side in the worst emergency or the greatest victory, I want to like those people. I want to be friends with those people. I want to know they support me and I want to make sure that I support them. How can we be good nurses if we can’t treat our coworkers well?

And nursing isn’t a profession you can just jump into and be perfect. We all run into things we struggle with in our day to day and that’s okay. It’s okay to be terrible at dressing wounds because you’re probably amazing at starting IVs. It’s okay to be unable to suction a trach because you’re gagging your guts out because you’re probably the girl everyone goes to get that difficult patient to settle down and take their meds. We are better as a team and our profession is one of the most important professions in healthcare. We fought tooth and nail to get into nursing school and to learn the content and put our knowledge to good use. The time for fighting is over. The time for cliques and high school games is done. The lives of our patients and our own livelihoods hang in the balance. We can be wonderful nurses, but we can’t be the best until we are part of the best nursing team. Squad Goals.

10 years later we are still happily married and have two beautiful children together

Nurses Need To Take Time For Themselves

It is the end of a long shift and you are looking forward to finally have some time off. You hurry up to finish typing the visit information into the patient file so you can be on your way, Once done, you leave to go home then realize you worked overtime the night before so you never got a chance to stop by the store. Unfortunately, that means either a grocery trip or eating out. Since you and your spouse made the resolution to stop eating out so often, you run into a grocery store and grab some frozen food for dinner. At least it is quick and easy, right? Once home, you scurry around preparing everything, spend some time with your kids and spouse, get everyone off to bed and, finally, you find you have a few moments to yourself. You are stressed and want to relax, but the truth is, how do you turn off your mind to the busyness of the day? What can you do to truly relax?

Does all this sound familiar? Welcome to the life of being a nurse! Once nurses get to the end of our shift, it can be so hard to turn off our minds to the patients we have seen, the issues we have resolved and the things we need to follow-up on the next day. It is so important, however, that we do find a way to relax at the end of our shifts and turn our minds off to work issues ( or at least turn it down some!) and unwind. Our jobs are physically and mentally draining. We all deserve some self-care, laughter and stress-free time to renew ourselves for the following shift.

Let’s look at some different ways we can relax after a long shift.

Play with Your Kids

Playing with your children does not mean taking care of them. Yes, as a parent it is our job to take care of our children but sitting down on the floor and playing with them is an entirely different scenario. Allow yourself to be in the moment and just enjoy that special time with them!

Cook a Fun Meal

Cooking a fun meal can actually be a great stress reliever. Focusing your mind on the conjunction of ingredients that are blending to become a spectacular meal will allow your mind to slowly relax from the happenings of your day. If you are feeling really tired after that great meal, don’t even worry about those dirty dishes. How about just leaving them till tomorrow?

Decompress

So we spent all day caring for others, now it is our time to care for ourselves! Some ideas to decompress are taking a nice, hot bubble bath, painting your nails or drinking a cup of hot tea. Allow your stresses to dissipate as you enjoy relaxing.

Read a Good Book

Download a good book on Kindle, order one off of Amazon or borrow one from your library- whatever your method is, just read a good book! There is something enthralling about being taken away by the characters of a book. Our mind forgets what we were worried about and instead focuses on the timeline and events of the story we are getting swept into. Let yourself be taken away into the storyline of your book.

Watch a Comedy Movie

We already know that laughter is good medicine, so why not let out a good guffaw every now and then? Becoming entranced into a comedy movie that will keep you rolling on the floor with laughter is an amazing way to destress. Want to take it to the next level? How about trying to watch every single movie Adam Sandler has ever made? That will definitely provide days and days of relaxation!

Exercise

Exercise is one of the best ways to release bound up energy at the end of the day. Going for a run or catching some gym time can do wonders for the soul. If you prefer a slower pace for working out, Yoga or Pilates are both excellent options as well.

Journal

Grab a glass of wine and your favorite journal. Write down your feelings for the day, what caused you to stress and what were the highlights of your day. You will not ever need to show your journal to anyone, but just being able to write it down on paper can be so relieving!

Meditation

Starting meditation can actually be quite intimidating. If you are new to the practice, start with just 10 minutes or so after a shift and focus on your breathing. There are some great apps such as Headspace and Calm that will guide you through the meditation process. You will be surprised at how relaxed you will feel at the end!

Take Fido for a Walk

Fido has been sitting all day at home waiting on you to get home, letting him outside or taking him for a walk will make him and you happy! Having a pet is a known stress reliever, so spending time with Fido will do you some good.

Hopefully, these were some helpful tips to assist you in relaxing at the end of a long shift. We know being a nurse is physically and emotionally draining, so we must take time to build ourselves back up.

Do you have any great suggestions for how we can relax as nurses? Leave me a comment below!

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