I am seeing this trend more and more lately. Move over Sally, there is someone younger, more energetic than you, and cheaper. You better watch your back Sally or you will riding the unemployment express. Sounds a bit vicious doesn’t it? This is the reality that nurses across America are experiencing right now. You wonder why nurses have to shut their mouths? I am going to tell you why.
I speak from experience. I know what it feels like to be actually told this horrific phrase, “You are only a number here, I can have someone else fill your job in an instant”. Those words crushed my soul. I was one of the most experienced nurses on the unit with 15 years under my belt in the same department. I needed help from my manager. I was being bullied by many other nurses on the unit for petty cattiness. It was all gossip, lies and entertainment for the bullies, but it was taking it’s toll on me. I needed to be backed up and supported. I was scared to be alone at work and I was getting written up on almost a daily basis by my main bully, the assistant charge nurse. She wanted me gone desperately. I was sick to my stomach coming into work and I had a deep seeded fear that I would be fired. I knew it was time to sit down with my actual manager and have a heart to heart. I was naive because I imagined that she would have my back once she heard what was going on. What a joke…
When I explained my story in detail to my manager, I was in tears. What shocked me was that she wasn’t surprised at all and actually knew what was happening. Not once did she pull me in the office to check on me. She probable was laughing it up with my bullies and could care less. At my wits end I explained to her that I felt isolated and felt like I didn’t fit in anymore. I asked her for help in this situation. The response I got was shocking. I can still feel my heart racing even now as I type this. She turned to me, looked me dead in the eyes and gave me some horrible suggestions. Only these were not the suggestions I ever expected to hear. She actually began to encouraged me to transfer, find another job, or just quit. That is when she said that horrible statement, “You are only a number here, I can have someone else fill your job in an instant”. She then proceeded to tell me that sometimes people out grow their jobs and just need to find something else in order to make them happy.
I was angry! I was emotional! I was frustrated. I immediately became defensive and upset. I felt like I needed to defend myself. I remember telling her that I was happy with my job. I loved my patients and the actual job itself. I reminded her of all the positive Press Ganey comments I had, complement cards, etc. My manager said to me as she shrugged her shoulders, “I know you are good with your patients but you are making conflict on the unit”. I said to her in frustration as I blew snot out of my nose, “Do you even care about losing a good nurse with 15 years experience?” ” I can’t believe the words you are saying to me!” Her response was shocking. She said to me that she tells all the other nurses that come in and complain the same thing. “If they don’t like the system then they can leave.”
I knew at that very moment I was no longer dealing with management of the past. This was a completely new and ferocious beast. She then explained to me that she operates a system of budgets and numbers. In that very moment that was exactly what I felt like. Only a number. A soldier in a budget assembly line. Where the bottom line is the dollar. So I shut my mouth, thanked her for her time, and walked out. I walked out with my head hung low, much lower than when I had even walked in.
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