One Nurse's Letter, Yet Every Nurse's Voice

I received this letter last week and was moved to tears as i read this. I could fee this nurses pain in each and every word. I read it aloud on my main page, Nurse Jessica Sites, and cried as I read it for my followers. I am going to share it here as well for those of you that missed it.

It’s 04 27 and I’m sitting here in the dark with my dog, quietly crying so my son doesn’t hear me. I know I can’t be the only person going through what I’m going through right now but I don’t know what to do with how I feel. Next month I will celebrate my 33rd year of being a nurse, helping injured , sick scared people has been a passion of mine since I was 8 years old. I was so fortunate to learn about compassion for others from my daddy who was a paramedic. When I was eight years old I went on a fire call with my dad, it happened to be a motorcycle accident where the patient was decapitated. It was at that moment in time, I can remember it so vividly (I can still describe to you the clothes I was wearing) that I knew I wanted to help others. I have been fortunate to work a variety of specialties in nursing from NICU, pediatric oncology, gynecological oncology, pediatric emergency room, pediatric trauma, and for the last half of my career I have been dedicated to emergency medicine and trauma. Throughout my career I have had the opportunity to hold many roles in nursing from bedside nurse to management but every time I choose to go back to the bedside, to be the one there for others at the darkest/worst times of their lives. I’ve had the honor and privilege to be there for a baby taking their first breath and to be there when a person takes last breath. I have chosen to be there for others over family celebrations, holidays, vacations because I felt it was an honor to be there for others. This last year of Covid has been the most taxing mentally and physically and every health care provider worldwide knows what I mean. No matter what anyone says until someone has spent a couple hours in our shoes they’ll never fully understand what it’s been like. When I was in nursing school I was taught to be the voice for my patient and unfortunately this past week being that voice cost me my job. In the mist of this pandemic everyone in healthcare right now knows we are being pushed above and beyond our limits. After several nights of patients not getting the care they deserved, my coworkers and myself being asked(told) to do impossible patient assignments-I spoke up. I did it quietly, respectfully, professionally and utilized the proper chain of command. In less then four days of calling the anonymous corporate compliance line I was called in to human resources at the end of my shift and told that due to patient complaints the organization choosing to “separate”. Prior to all of this I was the model employee that would change shifts when needed, would pick up extra shifts, come in for half a shift, stay late, change assignments for the better of the unit, received acknowledgment from administration for the patient care that I gave. I feel so lost, broken, and shame. The “complaints” that was used to “separate me“ from the organization were all witnessed by my coworkers or charge nurses. All of the three occurrences happened during a time that our ER was full, every hallway that a stretcher could fit into was full, and the lobby wait time was more than eight hours. My charge nurses and coworkers were doing the same things that I was punished for because we were being told by management “as soon as they are discharged get them out wipe down the beds and put a new patient in there“. I feel so betrayed for doing what I was told day one of nursing school-you are the voice for your patient. As an ER nurse you know not to expect breaks or adequate time to chart that’s just the nature of the beast but when you’re not able to give a medication for three hours because you have seven other patients that are Covid positive or PUI and even at your Best it takes five minutes to change your PPE wipe down your respirator before you’re able to put on clean PPE and walk into your next patient that requires a complete sepsis work up. How does administration expect us to care for patients that are very sick, requiring multiple IV medications, Breathing treatments or even mechanical ventilation, and the fact that they are isolated in these rooms alone because family members and friends are not allowed to be with them because of their Covid status but then add to that the shortage of supplies, the absolute exhaustion of the nurses doctors techs and shortage of staff but then to be pushed harder by our “leaders” to do more? Someone had to say SOMETHING!!!

And for that I am sitting here - scared betrayed and just wanting to be numb. The voice that I was always told to use - has me now questioning - did I do the right thing? No one will talk to me in fear that this will happen to them. I’m lost and broken. I don’t know what to do, I’m scared to talk but I’m more scared that I will go numb. I don’t know why I felt like you might be someone that could understand how I feel, I don’t know. Thank you for at least listening.

What in the actual F@#K is going on right now? What has happened to nursing? Tell me your thoughts everyone. I am so broken hearted for everyone, including myself. I see myself in every word of that letter...

The Ultimate Gift Remembered This Holiday Season! The Gift Of Life

A few weeks ago I came across a photo on my computer that just melted my heart. I was flipping through my feed and came across a photo of a man being hugged by a man and a woman and there were tears streaming down their faces. I immediately noticed that they each had a stethoscope on and were listening to the man’s chest. I then read the caption of the post that stated, “Parents listen to their son’s transplanted heart beat in the chest of the recipient of his gift. There is only one race. The Human race”. I was immediately brought to tears as I looked at this picture and could see and feel the pain in the eyes of these parents. I couldn’t imagine how I would feel if this had happened to one of my children. I thought what a selfless gift they had passed on to someone. I felt the love and gratitude in the recipients face. I kept saying to myself, what a beautiful picture! I immediately shared this post on my facebook page so that others could see this amazing moment captured on camera. Little did I know what would happen next.

I checked on that post a few times that day and it was getting an amazing response. Others also felt the love and emotion of this photo and were reacting to it. What happened next was not expected at all. I received a message from a gentleman named Joshua Shetterly. Here is a screen shot of the actual message.

I was so amazed and honored that this gentleman took the time to reach out to me about his brother. I couldn’t believe what a small world we lived in. A friend of Joshua’s had tagged him in the post when she recognized the picture. I knew immediately that I wanted to hear more. Joshua and I messaged back and forth and soon we set up a zoom meeting so that he could share his late brothers story. This one is tear jerker so get ready and grab your tissues!

In 2014, 19 year old Matthew Shetterly was living with his parents Michael and Barbara, and 23 year old twin brothers Jarred and Joshua. He had recently moved back into his childhood home after being released from a 218 day incarceration. Initially Matthew was doing well, and was continuing on a clean path following a drug addiction that he battled prior to his incarceration. About a month after being home, Matthew was asked to help sell drugs in the Baltimore area. He saw an opportunity to make a lot of money and couldn’t resist the offer. Once he began selling drugs, he also fell back into the temptation of using heroin.

27 days following his release, Matthew was found overdosed in his Maryland home. Having dealt with this in the passed his parents had access to Narcan and administered it as soon as they found him. He was rushed to the hospital and was released later that evening. Coincidentally Joshua, Matthew’s older brother was in EMT school at the time and was doing ride alongs. Joshua stated that he felt embarrassed at the time that the fire department responding to his brothers OD would see him there. He briefly ran down the street to avoid running into any of them, but quickly knew he had to be there for his family and his brother.

The following day while Joshua was taking an EMT test, he got a call from his father. Matthew’s father had found him in his bedroom unresponsive with a heroin needle sticking out of his arm. He was frantic and again called 911, administered Narcan, and this time had to begin CPR. Matthew was rushed to the hospital where Joshua and his twin Jarred were working that day. Everyone knew this was the twin’s younger brother Matthew, and the ER team worked as hard as they possibly could to save their brother. To no avail, Matthew ended up on life support in the ICU for a week following his second OD.

This was April 2014. After a week of being on life support there were no improvements in Matthew’s condition and the time had come to cease life support. The family was approached about organ donation. Coincidentally it was also organ donation month in Maryland. The family made the selfless decision to help save someone else life. They agreed to donate whatever organs they could. Matthew died on Good Friday, April 18th, 2014. They harvested his heart, lungs, kidneys, pancreas, and liver. 4 people were able to have these organs transplanted into them. One of which was his heart. His heart was transplanted on Easter Sunday.

Nearly two years later after grieving and learning to live with the loss of a child, Matthews parents had a request. They desperately wanted to see if they could meet any of the recipients that received Matthew’s organs. They asked their son Joshua if he would right a letter to the organ donation center Living Legacy. A few weeks later they got a response. A gentleman by the name of Erv Baston wanted to meet the family. He was the recipient of Matthews heart. The family was elated!! After some scheduling conflicts, they heard that Erv and his family were available on the second Saturday of July. The family was so excited to meet Erv, yet at the same time still felt very lost and torn about the loss of Matthew. It was days later when they looked at the calendar and realized that the second Saturday of July was July, 16 2016 which would have been Matthew’s 21st birthday.

Erv Baston, the 51 year old heart recipient struggled with the idea that someone had to die in order to save his life and it tormented his mind. He wanted to meet Matthew’s family in hopes of finding a way to overcome the guilt that he was feeling. The families ultimately needed each other! Erv also has twin daughters just like the Shetterly’s have twin sons. So this large group of parents and children all got together at the Living Legacy Foundation in Baltimore Maryland. The moment that Matthew”s parents pressed their stethoscope to Erv’s chest, they broke down and cried and trembled. This was the first time they have heard Matthews heart beat since that awful day almost two years ago. These families still remain in touch, Erv is doing well, and they continue to heal one another.

My heart breaks for the Shetterly’s. I can not even begin to imagine what the loss of a child feels like. Nor do I ever want to. But what I do know is that this family is strong and heroic. They continue to share their son’s memory and educate people on the dangers of drug abuse. At the same time they help educate about the importance of organ donation.

Hold your loved ones tight this holiday season and all year. Take a moment and slow down. Put your head on your loved one’s chest and listen to their heart beat and be thankful and present in the moment.

Healthcare Workers Are Tired Of Being Punching Bags

Nursing is hard work. There is an emotional, physical, and mental toll associated with being a good nurse. Our job requires sacrifice, patience, and empathy and that level of dedication can really drain a person. We act as advocates and friends but despite our efforts to be an asset to our patients we, sometimes, become their personal punching bags.

Nurses are trained to be empathetic and kind caregivers. Most of us love the patient interaction part of our jobs, but it seems like it is becoming more and more dangerous to have that interaction. To truly display empathy, nurses have to let their guard down a little and connect with their patients. This makes the nurse more vulnerable while they are having patient interaction and could make it easier for them to be the victim of assault.

In Atlanta, in 2018, one woman wracked up half a dozen charges for assaulting hospital staff. One nurse ended up with two broken ribs as a result of this woman’s tirade. Nurse Ashley Schade was assaulted by a patient in 2018 in Washington. He threatened her life and wrapped his hands around her throat, squeezing until she blacked out. There have even been reports of nurses and doctors being assaulted outside of their facilities for treating COVID-19 patients. People are following them from the hospital and throwing rocks and bleach at them for saving lives. The world has truly gone crazy.

Some legislation has been introduced to help protect healthcare professionals while on the job, but we obviously still have a long way to go. Last year I actually had a long conversation with a nurse who was assaulted while on the job. Her name is Katie Blanchard. She was an army nurse that had has conflict with a civilian subordinate at work. As the weeks progressed he became more angry with her and made rude comments, threats, yelling and even cornered her in her office in a threatening manner. She had sensed that his anger was growing more volatile and tried to tell her superiors. She even documented everything in detail and warned the army that she was in fear of this man. No action was taken. Later in 2016 this monster, Clifford Currie, came into her office and doused her with gasoline and lit her on fire. He also attacked her with scissors and a razor blade. Katie suffered third degree burns to large parts of her body including her face. She screamed in agony and coworkers came in to help as quickly as they could but the damage to her body could not be undone. Katie screamed “I told you this would happen!” Sadly, no one took her seriously prior to the attack. Katie joined the army to serve her country and care for others. Where the hell was the care and concern for Katie? If someone would have just taken her concerns seriously, the outcome could have been completely different. Katie has had one 100+ surgeries and is still a fighter today. She speaks out about work place violence and is an inspiration and a hero. The attacker was sentenced to 20 years in prison.

Army nurse Katie Blanchard RN.

When are things going to change? It is important that nurses be given the tools to protect themselves and the information for how to report verbal and physical assault in the workplace. But again I say that these reports need to be taken more seriously!

1. Violence doesn’t “come with the job.” Because of our penchant for empathy we may forget to hold individuals accountable for their actions. They may be drunk or in pain and they lash out, but we must insist on consequences. We must report every instance and we must follow through. The more consequences in place for this behavior, the better the chance that someone will think before they act out.

2. Report. Report. Report. Always report the incident to your superior and, if warranted, involve law enforcement. The hospital is not an island with no laws. The same laws that apply in the parking lot apply inside the doors.

3. Expect appropriate protocols. Find out if your facility has an appropriate protocol in place for reporting and dealing with assault. If they don’t, bring it up with your superiors.

4. Join campaigns to create laws to support nurses. You can Google your state and “legislation to protect nurses” to find out more about the efforts that are being made to make your job safer. In 2019, the House passed H.R. 1309, or the “Workplace Violence Prevention for Health Care and Social Service Workers Act,” in a 251-158 vote. It would make reporting violence mandatory and would also require employers and facilities have plans to prevent violence. Reach out to your congressman or woman to support this effort being made into law.

5. Take self defense classes. Taking a class on defending yourself is always a great idea. It might be beneficial to let your instructor know that you work in healthcare and that your focus is really on removing yourself from a dangerous situation, rather than inflicting harm on another person.

6. Communicate with your colleagues. If you enter a room and feel that things aren’t going to go smoothly, bring a buddy in with you. Let them know that you have concerns for your safety and that you want someone there, in case things go south.

7. Keep personal information personal. Don’t give patients any information about yourself that isn’t necessary. They can piece together enough info to follow you once you are out of the hospital. Always be mindful of what you share.

8. Be careful leaving work. We all know how unsafe a parking lot can be, so be extra vigilant when leaving so that you aren’t followed or assaulted on your way home.

9. Support one another. If a nurse in your unit has been assaulted, back them up. Help them get the support they need from management and help them feel safe at work by being available should they need you.

In 2018 it was reported that 54.2 percent of all nurses had been the victim of either emotional or physical abuse while on the job. Half, guys. Half of the population of nurses in the United States has been verbally or physically assaulted BY PATIENTS or PATIENT FAMILY MEMBERS while trying to CARE FOR PATIENTS! I would say, “Let that sink in” but I really don’t care if you allow it to marinate. Change needs to happen so that our healthcare workers can stop feeling like the sacrificial lamb of society. We need to be held up for the role that we play and respected for the work that we do.